On Retreat - February, 2009 - Archive-Diving

A remarkably beautiful weekend away with women pastor friends, words and photos I want to save, memories that are precious to me.

Last Friday morning, my husband was kind enough to drive me to the Bob Hope Airport in Burbank on his way to work, so that I could catch a flight to Seattle.

Since the mid-1990s, I have been 1/6th of a group of women pastors ordained in the Evangelical Covenant denomination. Sometimes I wonder what sparks friendship, what bonds people to a commitment to one another. I think we found a certain commonality in our mid-life call to ministry, our shared experiences within the denomination and a rather off-beat sense of the absurd. (As a fine example of that last point, we called ourselves the Ya-Ya Goddesses. Yes, we did.)

About once a year, we tried to gather for a period of retreat - usually about a week long - with days spent in silence and solitude and evenings spent in conversation and community. We searched for someplace beautiful and quiet, some place that would allow us time to savor the goodness of God in the natural world while at the same time enjoying the conveniences of indoor plumbing and cooking facilities. Due to a long list of stresses in all of our lives, it has been almost 5 years since we have attempted to get together and now a weekend opened up for 4 of us and we grabbed it.

I met my friend Nancy in the Seattle airport, picked up a rental car and drove 2 hours north through rush hour traffic to the Stanwood exit, following lovely 2-lane country roads to one friend's spectacular home and guest apartment on Camano Island.

Oh, my. 

      What a view. 

           What a house. 

                What a welcome. 

Because we have been unable to squeeze out travel time in these last five years, this year's gathering was filled with catching up, story-sharing, lots of laughter and a few tears here and there - in addition to fabulous food, cooked by Diane and Vicki and cleaned up by Diana and Nancy.

Basically, we had 2 days together rather than our usual 4 or 5, as one whole day on each end was spent in travel. During these years since our last gathering:

     one of us has lost a daughter to breast cancer, 

     one has lost a son-in-law to the after effects of cancer 

               treatment many years ago, 

     one has survived (successfully) a drawn-out lawsuit and 

               built a new home, 

     one has endured terrible disappointment in her job 

               situation and has very recently both remarried and 

               moved from one state to another.

So there was LOTS to talk about.

And talk we did, until fairly late into the evening on Friday and Saturday nights. And on Sunday night? Well, on Sunday night....we ordered pizza by the boxload, enjoyed hot fudge sundaes AND watched the Red Carpet and the Oscars. What more could you ask for?

Diane's home and apartment mirror each other architecturally and are both lovely to look at and live in. The apartment is dedicated to providing retreat/renewal space for weary pastors - what a glorious gift to offer the church!

When I went back to work on Tuesday, my boss asked me what I had gained 'spiritually' while away on retreat with my friends.

At first, I was stymied - this gathering was filled with more talk and less silence than most. But as I thought about his question, I was once again reminded that often very profound things can happen spiritually when you least intend it and seemingly don't plan for it.

I went away this last weekend in a spirit of openness to whatever God might do with our time together. And it was so good for me to hear something of each of their stories --- in order to make better sense -- or perhaps to have a better sense -- of my own.

For of the six of us, I am the last remaining pastor serving in a local church. Two work in retirement community environments, one teaches, two are 'retired,' though both are active in the parish churches they currently attend.

My pastoral role has been a gift to me, to my family and, hopefully, to the churches that I have served. And as I reflected on both the question I was asked and on my time away from the routines of life and work in Santa Barbara, I discovered (or re-discovered) these important truths about myself:

          1. I am a person who needs regular exposure to God's beautiful creation to function well in ministry and in life.

          2. I am a person who needs some kind of regular interaction with long-time, hold-me-accountable, encourage-my-gifts, listen-to-my-crap friends, friends who know something about me in my local setting but are not a part of that setting.

          3. I am a pastor who is called to serve the Lord in the local church.

          4. I am a pastor who sometimes needs reminding that taking a break, setting a boundary and stepping out of the routine are necessary and important things to do from time to time.

          5. I am a person who, despite being in the throes of long-term, low (and sometimes high)-level-anxiety-and-concern-now-moving-into-grief - I am a person who needs to have some order around her. And that sense of order has just fallen off the cliff during these years of illness and worry in our family.

After seeing the lovely, quiet and restful spaces that Diane has created in her home, I am encouraged and challenged to make such spaces around me in my work environment and in my home office environment. Slowly, slowly, I am going to purge my book collection, get rid of extraneous paper and create workspaces that are conducive to reflection, writing, thinking and prayer.

          6. I am a person who will very likely apply for the next go-round of the Center for Spiritual Direction, offered by our denominational seminary and ministerium. It's been on the back burner for a number of years, and I think the Spirit is nudging me to move in that direction NOW. (Applications are due March 31.)

So, yes, it appears that some things did happen spiritually during this time away. Thanks be to God - and to really good friends.

Nancy and Diana with Diane
Nancy and Diana with Vicki (Maybe next time, we'll master that automatic picture-taking thingy.)

In the Middle of the Mess - Archive-Diving, 2008

Once again, plowing through the archives to salvage some of the written record of the last five years or so. This was was written in November of 2008, and as I look at this gathered community, I am hushed. One marriage, broken. One infant, now a healthy almost-5-year-old, one dear mother-in-law, now unable to speak and fading, fading, fading. Time is relentless.

You might think this an odd picture to publish with the title listed above. But for me, right now, on a Monday late afternoon, sitting at my desk and prayerfully holding before God so many people that I care about who are definitely in the middle of some kind of mess....this picture is a powerful reminder to me of God's faithfulness.

Faithfulness in, through, around, and right smack dab in the middle of the mess.

The date this picture was taken? November 16, 2008.

The context? Our Sunday morning worship gathering after the Tea Fire, which had swept through Santa Barbara during the immediately preceding three days. Our church building was still part of the evacuation area for that fire, an area which had begun to shrink some the night before, but which at 10:00 a.m. on Sunday morning still included the access roads to our property.

My husband and I had also been evacuated and had returned home late in the evening on Saturday. And 14 families in our community had seen their homes either destroyed or severely damaged from the ravenous, wind-driven flames of that terrifying time. We were all in the very heart of the most painful and frightening mess most of us could just about ever remember.

And right there - in the middle of it all - we saw remarkable signs of God's faithfulness, of God's loving presence, of God's provisional care, even in the throes of a natural disaster. We found amazing evidences of grace everywhere we looked.

No one in our church community, or in the broader neighborhood, sustained serious injury; the wonders of modern technology enabled us to stay in contact throughout the three days of electrical and wireless disruption; the church was spared and immediately useful for community communication and encouragement gatherings of all kinds; staff and lay leadership rallied to plan and pull off a worship service at an alternate site - the local country club, of all places! - and we were reminded throughout that service of God's presence, deliverance and providential care, despite the enormity of the mess.

So today, as I pray for a wide variety of painful, frightening and messy situations - I am grateful to remember God's faithfulness in the midst of a pretty big mess not all that long ago.

I'm not a fan of messes. Don't enjoy them all that much - would, of course, prefer not to have lived through most of the ones I've experienced.

But this much I know: God will meet me there, right in the middle of it.

We are not alone, sometimes despite all kinds of evidence to the contrary. So, Lord, have mercy. Have mercy in the mess. And thank you for stepping into the muck with us.

Spirit-Led Parenting - A Guest Post

One of the great joys of blogging the last two years has been the discovery of a rich community life out here in cyberspace. Megan Tietz and Laura Oyer are two of the many women it has been my privilege to come to 'know,' courtesy of the internet. I read a review of their parenting book early this year and was really impressed. So, I ordered four copies! There were four expectant couples in our church community at that time and I could  think of no better gift than an 'instruction' book that basically said - listen to your baby and to your own heart and toss out all the 'shoulds.'  They're entering round two of the required (and important) PR work for their fine book and I am delighted and honored to host this essay from Laura as they make the rounds of about a dozen blogs in the next few days. I encourage you to interact with Laura here, to think about the questions she asks, and to reflect on your own parenting experiences (if you have children) or about parenting you've observed (if you don't have kids). Just opening the door and saying,  "Hey, I'm not sure about this...what have YOU tried?" can be a tremendously freeing experience. So, go for it!

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  2 Corinthians 3:17

I’ll begin with an honest admission:  I like rules.  I share in the opening chapter of our book that my nightmare assignments in school days were those with an open structure.  Options?  No, thank you.  I prefer guidelines and no-fail directions toward certain success. 

I expected the rules I’d heard for parenting a new baby to lead to that neat-and-tidy success found by so many.  Instead, they didn’t work for me or my baby, and I lived for a time in terror over the implications of what that failure would mean.

As Megan shared yesterday at O My Family, one of the bonds that deepened our friendship and led us to write this book was that we both entered parenthood bound as slaves to fear.  Our purpose in sharing our tear-stained stories is to encourage others navigating life with an infant, inviting them to the pursuit of another way. 

There is an approach to parenting that looks fear in the face and boldly speaks an answer:  Freedom.  Freedom from required formulas, unrealistic expectations of our children and ourselves, and the belief that we must force our babies to fit into a mold that may not have been designed for them.  

– Spirit-Led Parenting, page 42

When we live in fear, we resist the freedom that serves as a banner proclaiming the presence of the Spirit.  Yet Megan and I each found that in spite of our resistance, God beckoned us through the heartache of frustration and failure and offered us an approach to caring for our babies that we desperately wish we had known from the very beginning.  He was calling us into freedom.

• Freedom to follow His lead first and foremost in our parenting.

• Freedom to trust in the example of God’s Father heart, Christ’s call to servanthood, and the Spirit’s constant presence as we care for our babies.

• Freedom to extend grace to those who parent differently, knowing that our Lord leads us individually, according to His flawless will and timing, to answers perfectly suited to our families.

• Freedom to fail - understanding that perfect parenthood is unattainable, believing that God’s redemptive grace covers our missteps, and seeing our insufficiency as opportunity for our surrender and His refinement.

It was a rocky road, learning to live out what He offered.  But as we began to let go, we gained something unexpected:  a deepening perspective on the glorious, mysterious paradox of dying to self and gaining abundant life.  As two control-loving, perfection-seeking new mothers each woke from a fear-driven haze, we discovered that the cost of our new freedom in parenthood was not at all what we’d expected. 

Where once we believed we would find spoiled children and splintered marriages in the wake of our decisions to turn from the loud-and-popular advice, we found instead our own expectations and desires bowed low.  Where we once held fast to the notion that the “right” methods of baby-care would bring success, we learned that releasing our expectations gave us the freedom to truly follow the Spirit’s lead in every area of our lives.

It’s an approach that welcomes an often messy journey.  One that comes with sacrifice, as is always the case when we pursue a life of serving God and others.  It may mean less predictability and more time.  It may bring the uncomfortable realization that you are parenting off the beaten path, if that path where He has led some is not where He is leading you.  It may mean laying down that precious sense of control. 

But what if as that first year of babyhood winds down and a toddler stands where your baby once lay, what if you looked in the mirror and realized that the one who has grown by leaps and bounds in the past year is you?  What if you could see that in most every situation you encounter, your first response is no longer selfish retreat, but rather selfless embrace?

Would it make you smile with humble gratitude to recognize that in each moment you chose to approach your baby with a heart filled by the Spirit, you were able to more closely relate to and identify with your Lord Jesus Christ than you ever had before?  If you found, for perhaps the first time, that you were truly free in Him? 

– Spirit-Led Parenting, page 54

Living and parenting in freedom is a daily – and often difficult – choice.  We have heard from countless new parents through the years at different points in the journey, and believe that safe and honest discussions can encourage one another along the way.  Will you share your thoughts here today? 

What aspects of parenting in freedom appeal most to you, and which do/did you find most uncomfortable or hardest to embrace?  How has God used your role as a parent for your own spiritual growth, or how do you suspect He may want to do so?

We are deeply honored to share in this space today, and look forward to hearing from you! Find us tomorrow with a post at Narrow Paths to Higher Places

Spirit-Led Parenting is the first release from authors Megan Tietz and Laura Oyer. Megan writes about faith, family and natural living at SortaCrunchy and lives in Oklahoma City with her husband and two daughters. Laura blogs her reflections on the real and ridiculous things of life at In The Backyard, and makes her home in Indiana with her husband, daughter, and son.

Of Candles and Community

It was a weekend lit by candles.

It was a weekend marked by community.

It was a rich time, a set apart time, 

a thoughtful and reflective time. 

Six hours on Saturday, working through a series of Ignatian

prayer exercises, every hour, on the hour.

A candle in the room where I landed helped light

the way to the inside of me,

the place where God quietly pokes and pushes

the deepest parts:

Holy Spirit, warm me and warn me;

like a candle flame -

pierce the darkness in me,

warm the space in which I live and move,

light the way forward,

remind me of Truth.

Bless me, O Lord, for I have sinned.

Guide me, O Lord, for I am blinded by the dark.

Speak to me, O Lord, for I am distracted by the glitz.

Nudge me, O Lord, for I get stuck in the muck.

Breathe in me, O Lord; I am gasping,

in need of your oxygen to find my way.

A break for lunch led to an unexpected and rich conversation.

And that led to reading through an unassigned psalm for the day - 

Psalm 71 to find verse 14:

 "As for me, I will always have hope;

I will praise you more and more."

Words which brought deep release and profound

meaning for a friend.

And then, as I prayed the rest of the psalm out loud,

verse 18 seemed to call my name,

reminding me of who and where and what I am

at this point in my own journey:

"Even when I am old and gray,

do not forsake me, my God,

till I declare your power to the next generation, 

your mighty acts to all who are to come." 

This is my primary call I think.

And there are days I embrace it,

and days I run from it.

Sunday morning, All Saints' Sunday,

 brought candle upon candle,

brilliant points of light across the altar table.

As the deep bass note that begins

Vaughan Williams' glorious hymn,

"For All the Saints," resounded through the sanctuary,

people streamed to the front.

Each person picked up a votive candle to add to the table,

each light representing saints who have

crossed to the other side:

"O blest communion, fellowship divine!

We feebly struggle, they in glory shine;

yet all are one in thee, for all are thine.

Alleluia, Alleluia!"

YES!

All are one in thee -- for we are all thine.

I carried a candle for my father and my brother,

my husband carried one for his father and our son-in-law.

And people everywhere around the room

brought light, light, light.

I love the way these pictures came out sort of ethereally blurry, not ghost-like, but somehow a reminder that

those who've gone before us are every bit as real

as the ones who sit next to us in the pews.

And I believe they are that near.

We sang through the entire hymn* and then began one of my favorite contemporary songs whose words include:

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,

Who was and is and is to come;

With all creation I sing praise to the King of Kings;

You are my ev'rything and I will adore You."**

And still, the lights kept coming

Until we were literally ringed with it,

fluttering wicks lifting their heads to heaven,

reminding us that we belong to one another.

I loved every minute of it. 

And I am deeply, deeply grateful

for all those who've led the way,

kept the faith,

followed hard after Jesus

and built the church over time and around the globe.

*While looking for a video of this grand old hymn,

I stumbled across this home-made video

of a young man who looks about 14 years old!

And he's playing it on the organ, in an Episcopal church

in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Amazing.

And it gives me hope that someone will still

be playing organs in years to come!

One of my all time favorite hymns --

and somehow, it is the organ that most makes it sing,

even without words.

And here is a version of that glorious "Revelation Song,"

written by Jennie Lee Riddle for Gateway Publishing in 2004,

sung here by Phillips, Craig and Dean.

(We do it with much less drama and a whole lotta heart.)

Joining with Michelle, Jen, Ann, Laura and Laura on this Monday night:

    

31 Days in which I Am Saved by Beauty - Day 14

After all the dramatic weather of the past few days,

today brought clear skies

and warm temperatures.

Our small group did its monthly thing,

gathering at our home.

And on this fall day, October 14, it was still more 

than warm enough to meet in the yard. 

These are such good people,

so dear to us,

and we enjoy our 2-hour window

for sharing and prayer,

sipping cool (or warm) beverages,

enjoying a few sweet or savory treats. 

Every one of us carries around

some points of concern and struggle;

every one of us finds moments

of grace and redemption

even in the middle of the messy.

The theme of our morning worship

carried over into our conversation a little bit.

We looked at the story of the rich young ruler

and the call to surrender,

to let go of all those things

that bind us and keep us

from fully following Jesus. 

I don't like that story very much. 

It hits a little too close to home, you know?

But today, I liked it just a bit better.

We pondered the line,

"Jesus looked at him and loved him,"

in juxtaposition with the 

end of the story -

when the young man sadly walks away. 

Ever wondered why Jesus

didn't do what we might be likely to do?

Soft-soap the deal?

Make a different offer?

Do everything in our power to

change this potential great-leader-for-the-kingdom's mind? 

Yeah, me, neither. 

But today, I did think about it.

A lot.

And here's what I've come to:

Jesus looks at us and loves us;

Jesus invites us into a full-bodied relationship

     of community and action;

Jesus loves us too much to either force us to follow

     or to back-pedal about what it might cost us to do so. 

So, as I cleaned up the kitchen

after they left this afternoon,

as I rested and caught up on Facebook,

as I took my walk and spied

this glory on the Carpinteria foothills -

I asked God to help me to want to let go.

To let go of . . .

     how much I love living where I live;

     how much I adore my grandchildren;

     how controlling I can feel inside,

          wanting to 'fix' everyone's problems,

          not trusting that God's got it - no matter the outcome.

Because we all have those things that trap us,

     and bind us,

          and keep us 

from becoming a fully devoted follower of Jesus. 

What are yours?

 "Let the sea and everything in it shout his praise!

Let the earth and all living things join in.

Let the rivers clap their hands in glee!

Let the hills sing out their songs of joy before the LORD.

For the LORD is coming to judge the earth.

He will judge the world with justice,

and the nations with fairness."

Psalm 98:7-9, NLT

Joining with a few friends tonight - Michelle, Jen, Ann, Laura and L.L. to name a few: