In the Middle of the Mess - Archive-Diving, 2008

Once again, plowing through the archives to salvage some of the written record of the last five years or so. This was was written in November of 2008, and as I look at this gathered community, I am hushed. One marriage, broken. One infant, now a healthy almost-5-year-old, one dear mother-in-law, now unable to speak and fading, fading, fading. Time is relentless.

You might think this an odd picture to publish with the title listed above. But for me, right now, on a Monday late afternoon, sitting at my desk and prayerfully holding before God so many people that I care about who are definitely in the middle of some kind of mess....this picture is a powerful reminder to me of God's faithfulness.

Faithfulness in, through, around, and right smack dab in the middle of the mess.

The date this picture was taken? November 16, 2008.

The context? Our Sunday morning worship gathering after the Tea Fire, which had swept through Santa Barbara during the immediately preceding three days. Our church building was still part of the evacuation area for that fire, an area which had begun to shrink some the night before, but which at 10:00 a.m. on Sunday morning still included the access roads to our property.

My husband and I had also been evacuated and had returned home late in the evening on Saturday. And 14 families in our community had seen their homes either destroyed or severely damaged from the ravenous, wind-driven flames of that terrifying time. We were all in the very heart of the most painful and frightening mess most of us could just about ever remember.

And right there - in the middle of it all - we saw remarkable signs of God's faithfulness, of God's loving presence, of God's provisional care, even in the throes of a natural disaster. We found amazing evidences of grace everywhere we looked.

No one in our church community, or in the broader neighborhood, sustained serious injury; the wonders of modern technology enabled us to stay in contact throughout the three days of electrical and wireless disruption; the church was spared and immediately useful for community communication and encouragement gatherings of all kinds; staff and lay leadership rallied to plan and pull off a worship service at an alternate site - the local country club, of all places! - and we were reminded throughout that service of God's presence, deliverance and providential care, despite the enormity of the mess.

So today, as I pray for a wide variety of painful, frightening and messy situations - I am grateful to remember God's faithfulness in the midst of a pretty big mess not all that long ago.

I'm not a fan of messes. Don't enjoy them all that much - would, of course, prefer not to have lived through most of the ones I've experienced.

But this much I know: God will meet me there, right in the middle of it.

We are not alone, sometimes despite all kinds of evidence to the contrary. So, Lord, have mercy. Have mercy in the mess. And thank you for stepping into the muck with us.

Of Sunshine and Seasides and Hope - A Photo Essay

See that girl in the pink?

She is the best medicine in our lives just now,

and we had ourselves a good, healthy dose yesterday.

Last week's visit to my mom was hard,

and the road ahead will continue to be so. 

This end-of-life journey will be fraught with 

confusion and loss

and I will hate it.

A lot.

I am talking to God about it,

often yelling while I do,

but also coming back round to center,

remembering that no matter how lost

my mother feels to me,

she is never lost to God.

Never.

So. Yesterday was a school holiday for our girl,

and we were given the gift of being with her.

The.Entire.Day.

She sprang through our door about 8:45 a.m.,

dressed from head to toe in HOT pink,

complete with sequins lining the pockets of her fleece jacket.

A new outfit from Target, picked out by herself. . .

and of course, it had to be pink.

And not just pink, but PINK. 

We pulled out the Lego bins, filled with

colorful bricks that once belonged to her dad,

and she dug in with gusto.

Almost three hours for this 7-year-old

of creating, disassembling, re-arranging

and fun. 

I sat at the table, 10 feet away,

reading blogs and email,

 enjoying her easy company and occasional conversation.

Then we piled into the car about noon,

and headed out to the wharf.

It was a stunning day.

Crystal clear, about 60 degrees, 

with warm sun on our shoulders.

We went to the local Sea Center,

a small marine museum, featuring exhibits

about the creatures which inhabit these coastal

waters in the Santa Barbara channel.

This is a very bright girl,

eternally curious and actively engaged with 

whatever is going on around her.

From tiger sharks to sea stars,

from restless Garibaldi to the breathtaking view 

out the back wall,

she explored it all.

In the 'wet room,' where buckets are dropped 

directly into the ocean through a large hole

in the wharf,

she watched, intrigued,

as several students older than she

put the contents of a bucketload through a 

sifter and then a microscope.

Upstairs was a small exhibit of jellyfish,

those brainless creatures of grace and transparency.

You can just make her out to the left of

the observation window, 

momentarily entranced.

Against a very dark wall, there was a slide

of moving shapes and colors

and Gracie wanted a picture in front of it.

A little bit too dark, however, 

and the flash obliterated the slide on the wall.

In the upstairs gangway, there was a small puppet theater,

which enraptured her. 

She had such fun entertaining us with

each and every one.

Each.And.Every.One.

Smile.

One look at this sweet girl's face

and all the sadness just sort of lifted

away like a cloak,

dropping to the floor around me.

This guy apparently inflicted some pain!

But the dolphin was sweet as could be.

We took her to lunch at Longboard's about 90 minutes later.

She loves the peanut barrel there,

where you can scoop up as much as you want,

eat as much as you want, and --

wait for it! --

toss all the peanut shells right onto the deck!

How cool is that??

We finished our adventure with a trip to the

ice cream shoppe -

single scoop of Cotton Candy on a sugar cone, please.

It even matched her outfit.

She ate every last bite, too --

without spilling a drop on her new outfit --

until that very last bite, when the cone

broke. . . and there was a bright blue

spot in the middle of all that pink.

As we sat in the sun, enjoying our ice cream,

this catamaran came within about a stone's throw,

gliding through the sea,

loaded with inquisitive tourists,

eager to view the coastline and enjoy

their afternoon on the water.

I took a deep breath, trying to capture the moment.

A beautiful grandchild - one of eight such

magnificent gifts in our life.

A spectacular day - in a magnificent location.

And we get to live here,

fifteen minutes from this girl and her sister.

The older kids live one to three hours south of here,

so these are the kiddos we see most often

and are graced to care for from time to time.

This, this is gift.

And I am grateful.

And for a while, as the sun shone down,

and the water sparkled,

and the glory-girl grinned her toothless

grin at me while her Poppy watched with love --

for a while, that hurting place in my heart

was healed right over.

Thank you, Gracie, for being you:

God's gift to all of us.

Signing on with Michelle DeRusha, Jen Ferguson, Laura Boggess and Ann Voskamp. Sad to say good-bye to Seedlings in Stone this week - but trust that Laura Barkat's fine work will continue to show up in some other sparkling setting - I know it will show up at TSP!

   

31 Days in which I Am Saved by Beauty - Day 28

I love steeples.

All kinds of steeples.

From wood frame churches,

hanging out in small towns,

to tall, stately stone edifices, standing as 

dignified adornments for busy city streets.

I like being forced to stop,

to look up.

I like seeing their silhouettes

against the sky.

I like imagining how long they've been standing there,

thrusting upward, 

proclaiming the glory of God.

Because of where we live,

I am particularly drawn to mission style towers.

I love the gentle curves,

the tilework,

the crosses atop.

There doesn't have to be a cross on the top of the tower
for me to see one there.
Because that's the beauty of church towers
to my eye --
they all bring to mind the vertical beam
of that old rugged one,
the one that stood on the garbage dump 
just outside the city of Jerusalem
over 2000 years ago.
And that is the most salvific of beautiful things
in my life -- that stark reminder of Love in Action.
Thanks be to God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

31 Days in which I Am Saved by Beauty - Day 19

Today we got frustrated,

and disappointed,

and enraptured --

all at the same time. 

We drove across town to the Old Mission.

Our assignment?

Get fingerprinted,

so that a background check could be run,

so that we could serve as volunteers

at our soon-to-be-seven-year-old 

granddaughter's school. 

Our daughter-in-law carefully 

researched the date,

wrote us some instructions

and said in passing,

"It says to call ahead and make

a reservation,

but we just walked up and got

in line. You probably don't need to."

Wrong. 

So we'll wait til next time.

But when I turned around from the office

complex, I realized that the early morning

cloud cover had burned completely off,

and we had a lovely shot of one of 

the most beautiful buildings in our state,

the Queen of the Missions.

I didn't have much time,
as my husband was peeved and restless,
but I aimed my camera and rattled 
off a few shots, wondering
what I might have captured
in the three minutes I grabbed.

Someday, I will post some interior shots on this blog,
but today, I was fortunate to get these angled exteriors.
To tell you the truth, everything
about this site is lovely.
Standing on those front steps,
you can see all the way to the ocean.
And you can imagine Father Serra
surveying this beauty and sighing, 
as he traveled the Camino Real up and down
the coast of Alta California.

These bells actually ring,
reminding parishioners to pray,
calling them to mass,
inviting people to stop,
for just a moment or two,
and remember that being busy
is not all there is to this life.

There is a fountain here that is as old as the Mission,

part of the original aquaduct system that brought

water to the crops,

supplied the laundry workers,

and provided drinking water for everyone,

priests, soldiers and Indians alike. 

The angle of the sun was just right today,

and the gently rippling water

caught the reflection of Mission Santa Barbara.

She is a lovely old thing, isn't she?
And she wears her years very well, indeed. 

31 Days in which I Am Saved by Beauty - Day 17

Since Lilly started pre-school in September,

her grandfather has been volunteering

every week,

on Wednesdays --

the very day we cared for her

for over two years.

He spends about four hours --

helping with stories,

snacks,

lunches,

naps.

He loves it.

I have never known anyone who has such

natural rapport with small children.

Every one of our grandchildren

adores him,

and with good reason.

Today was a field trip -

and I got to go, too.

"The wheels on the bus

go round and round..."

Thirty pre-schoolers,

about a dozen adults,

all of us singing,

doing the hand motions,

anticipating a fun couple of hours.

The day was warm,

HOT, to be exact,

and crystal clear,

as we unloaded

ourselves from the 

big yellow school bus.

The Pumpkin Patch

is only a few miles

from the school

and is small and compact.

Thank goodness!!

Have you ever tried

to corral 30 small persons

around a large open field?

In we marched,

and Lilly found

Poppy's hand just as

soon as she could.

Everyone filed into the shade

for a presentation 

about pumpkins, gourds,

and Indian corn.

These two little girls - our Lilly on the left,

and Carolyn, on the right,

were born on the same day,

just hours apart.

And the director of the pre-school

was in the waiting room with

all the grandparents.

Each of these cuties

has an older sibling

who was a student at the school

at the time of their birth.

I have no memory of ever

seeing a school administrator

at any of my kids' births!

After learning about fall veggies,

and enjoying a much-needed cup 

of cold water and a snack,

the kids were let loose to pick a pumpkin.

Lilly chose a small, compact one

and her teacher happily wrote her

name on it and put it in the class wagon.

Trying to get a class photo was interesting.

And fun. 

The two girls in the center of the front row,

that's our girl and her BFF, Alice.

They truly love each other,

hugging when they meet,

choosing to sit together often,

sharing long connections

through their parents and

older sisters - 

all of whom are friends.

For the purposes of this 31-day challenge,

I could wax eloquent

about how much beauty this

small person has brought into our lives.

And before this month is over,

I most likely will do so.

But tonight?

Tonight I want to celebrate the

beauties of friendship,

the joys of shared history,

the ties that connect

people over time

and life experience.

We are designed for community,

and it shows up very early.

I was delighted to see these lovely threads

winding between two small girls,

not yet three years old.

One of the most beautiful things 

I've seen all day, in fact.