I sit here tonight wondering. Where am I headed next?
The thing about moving from a highly structured life to a pretty unstructured one is this strange feeling of being unmoored.
It's not that I don't enjoy the feeling. In fact, I'm beginning to think I'm enjoying it just a little too much.
I like having fewer commitments/responsibilities/appointments.
I like having more discretionary time.
I like being around my husband all day - and all night.
I like being at home more - we've worked long and hard on this place and we love it.
I like having the freedom to help our kids with their kids.
I like this sense of shrugging off a heavy coat that had become more burdensome than I knew.
But....
I feel the need to find the ground again,
to be more centered in myself and in the Lord.
So, what am I going to do about that?
Lent seems like a good time to wonder - and to wander a bit. It is a wilderness time, after all. A time of intentional slowing, of purposeful giving, of paying attention.
And during this particular Lent, about 80% of that 'paying attention' has been happening online. Even though this blog has been open for a number of years, I am a rank beginner at it. So I've been checking out a whole lotta bloggin' out there in cyberspace. Some of it is even providing me with helpful tips about how to be more technically savvy, how to write blog-style more effectively. And one of those blogs led me to a new book I'll begin reading soon - @stickyJesus: how to live out your faith online.
I'm doing some Bible reading online, too. Trying to follow the historical guide provided by the good folks at Life Church, the largest church in our denomination, located in Oklahoma. It's interesting reading the Word on my computer.
And my husband and I are following a Lenten devotional guide I discovered online. And reading it while using a beautiful candlelit Lenten labyrinth I purchased from another blogger's son.
So, the internet is where I'm doing a lot of my wondering right now. Wondering if there is room in blog-land for an older woman's voice, an older pastor's voice. Some of my discoveries in the last few days have given me hope that maybe, just maybe, there may be a door for me.
In the meantime...I wait. I pay attention. I wonder:
is there more for me to do, Lord?
is there more for me to be?
