One Last Good-bye...

Linking up with Jen at Finding Heaven at midnight Monday/Tuesday for this lovely sisterhood gathering:

This farewell has stretched further than just about any I've ever experienced.  I retired from ministry at the end of 2010, and then chose to take the first four months of 2011 away from worship with our church family.  
I've been glad I did that for lots of reasons - I was more tired than I knew, and it was good to not be around a place where I have worked hard for a long time.  It was also good to remind myself every single week that I am no longer a parish associate pastor.  Though I will remain a pastor until I die, I no longer practice that call in the setting of the local church.  I needed this time to face into the reality of that new truth.
The fine man who will move into my former office is a friend and a treasured colleague.  But he, too, has been gone from our fellowship these same four months - teaching history in France.  So...I had lots and lots of time to move out of that space, right?  From January 1 until May 8.  Whew - that should be a snap, even for me, the book pack-rat queen.
Wrong.
Oh, I did get those books moved.  Most of them are now situated in the long hallway outside all the offices at church.  My husband came to help me sort - one pile to give away, one pile to come home, and many, many piles to move out into that hall.

And there they are - in all their splendor!  Five sections of seven shelves each.  That's a whole lotta books.  But now, they're available for anyone to use and they include a lot of great resources for biblical study, small group ideas, care ministries, worship and liturgy - all pieces of my ever-shifting job description over these last 14 years.

So today was the last Saturday of packing and schlepping.  I opened the windows behind my former desk as wide as they would crank - to enjoy the view and the breeze.  It was a glorious spring day, sunny and just warm enough to be comfortable in lightweight clothing.

I went through the last of my files, loaded all my CDs into a box, emptied the various basket containers scattered around that space, took down the last of the artwork and made piles in the hallway for my husband to help me load into our cars. 

In the photo above and the one below you can catch a small glimpse of the bookshelves which surrounded me - at my own request when we built this building from 2003 - when our former senior pastor of 23 years left - until 2005 - when our current senior pastor arrived.  

Yup, that's right.  We were in a two-year interim stretch while we undertook this long-planned project of building a glorious new worship space and creating staff offices all in the same place for the first time ever.

That stack of brightly colored yarn work just left of center?  Those are prayer shawls, created by a variety of folks in our community.  They would appear on my desk, or in a bag, hanging from my doorknob.  I never knew for sure who made what, but this much I did know: the maker prayed as s/he worked, offering sweet supplication for the recipient of this gift of love.  

And I hand carried them - to people facing or recovering from surgery, to brand new moms, to recent widows or widowers - whoever was facing a life transition of one kind or another.  And as I wrapped them in this beautifully textured love-gift, I would say:  "As this shawl touches your skin today, may it be a tangible reminder that the people of God are praying for you, even as the person who made this prayed for you over each stitch.  Wrap yourself in it as you pray in the mornings, or lay it over yourself as you nap in the afternoon.   And as it comforts and warms you, may you know the sure, sweet presence of the God who loves you, the God who walks with you through every step of your journey."

One of the rich parts of this work that I will miss deeply.

After about 3 hours of slow, steady work, I called my husband and said he could come over any time now and we'd pack up the last load.  Four file boxes, two large baskets, two open boxes, a CD player, small heater and fan.  That's what was left.

Taking turns and wedging the exit door open, we made a half dozen trips down the hall, out the walkway and down a half flight of steps to the cars.  And somewhere in there, the door wedge got bumped and slam!  We were locked out.

Are you kidding me?

On a Saturday afternoon, no one around, no key.

But... I had left those windows open....

My ever-resourceful husband walked around to the front and stood beneath those windows.

"Honey, I think these jeans are just a little bit too straight-legged for me to bend these knees enough.  Can you find me something to stand on?"

Well, not exactly.  EVERY DOOR IS LOCKED.

So he kept workin' it and eventually got up there - straight legs and all!  What a guy.

Almost there...

...SUCCESS!

And now, of course... the almost-equal and opposite problem awaits.  My home office is approximately 1/3 the size of my church office.  And I really, really did a lot of work trying to ready it for the deluge that was coming.

But as you can see - it flooded anyhow.

I think I've got at least another 4 months of work ahead of me, don't you?

There were a couple of other important things that came home with me today, too.  A poster we bought in Paris on our 40th anniversary trip - one month after my husband had surgery for prostate cancer.  And what you see below - a gorgeous hand-calligrified gift from my sister-in-law, one of the most talented women on the planet.

She told me to choose a quote - any quote - and she'd make something for my office.

I chose this quote from Rilke - which is my very favorite of almost anything I've read, except for scripture.  It was quoted in a class I took and I bought the book just so I could find these words and savor them. To me it speaks such beautiful truth - life is about asking questions and then living the answers.  And all the people I've counseled and prayed for, all the kids I've encouraged in Confirmation, all the troubled couples - or happy pre-wed couples, all the recently bereaved friends, or happily moving-on friends - everyone who walked into my office walked right past this beautiful gift:

 The framed piece - so lovely.

And a close up of the quote itself, so that you, too, can relish this wonderful writing.
As I left my office for the last time today, I offered a prayer of thanksgiving for the gift of this life, this pastoring life.  And I walked out into the sunshine, climbed into my car and drove home.

It's For the Birds...

Linking up on Monday with L.L. Barkat at Seedlings in Stone 

who encourages her contributors to write with a sense of place...

To live in Santa Barbara is a gift.  

Every single day, I am grateful for that gift,

 in ways too numerous to count.

A sliver of fertile land, following the crooked coastline of the north American coastline for about 30 miles or so,

laid out like a sparkling emerald baguette, mountains rising on the northern edge and the great Pacific stretched like a silver blue necklace on the south.

As I said, it's a gift to be here.

To live within 15 minutes of one of our children 

and his family is also a gift - and a privilege as well.

Both my son and his wife are physicians on the central coast and it has been my joy (and now my husband's as well) to care for each of their two remarkable daughters during the years preceding pre-school. Their mama works half-time, so we are now keeping 14-month-old Lilly two days each week - 

and loving it a lot.

The newly-trimmed podocarpus tree just outside our bedroom door.

One of the things we love about living here is the rich variety of bird-life that shares this space with us.  From tiny finches with their lime or peach coloring to the great blue herons that occasionally fly overhead, there are lots of birds nearby - 

all kinds, sizes, shapes and sounds.

Notorious loud-mouths are the scrub blue-jays who are ubiquitous in southern California.  We've got several who hang out at our place - and my husband has managed to begin an interesting relationship with a couple of them.

Some of the bird-attracting paraphernalia hanging from that podocarpus.

About the time he retired, 

my husband the gifted investment-advisor, 

became Poppy Doolittle - 

charming our jays with a simple act of bribery:

peanuts, unsalted, in the shell.

He began by standing in the middle of our back lawn or on the patio and clucking/talking to them.

"Here's something good - wanna try it?"

And he'd put the peanut down on the ground or the table.

Slowly, he began to hang onto those nuts,

 until he had one in the palm of his hand.

And to everyone's surprise and delight, they went for it.

One jay in particular is brazen and fearless, 

answering the call almost any time. 

His smaller, more nervous compatriot will come if Dick is alone 

in the yard, but not when we have guests.

Poppy and Lilly right after her nap.

So, he's been teaching Lilly about this,

showing her how it's done.

And she LOVES it.

On Wednesday of last week, she woke up from her nap, 

bed-head, sleepy eyes and all, 

and began looking out the bedroom door 

towards the yard.  

Stretching out her hand as Poppy has taught her to do, 

she began to make clucking noises.

And Poppy came running!

Out they went, to see if the jays were around.

Bold Jay showed up right away,

 and grabbed that nut in a split second.  

Lilly was still pretty sleepy 

and couldn't quite get her hand around a second one.

Bold Jay sits in the tree, guarding his treasure.

This day, he chose to keep the nut with him,

more often than not, 

he buries it in our lawn,

pounding it down in the ground 

with a berry from the tree.

So they tried a second time.

Lilly has not quite mastered the concept 

of opening her hand with the nut in it - 

she tends to pick it up and grab hold tightly - 

so Poppy is still the primary gift-giver in this routine.

Shy Jay was having nothing to do with it.

Bold Jay had flown across the yard to the very top of the utility pole between us and our neighbors to the south, 

so our fearless duo moved a little closer to him, 

and out into the sunshine where the prize 

would gleam a little more clearly.

And down he swooped - all the way across that yard.

Poppy agreed to give the guy one last shot as a special prize

for his awesome aim,

 and I managed to get a picture of his feet 

as they landed on Poppy's finger 

while he grabbed his final reward 

(for the day, at least!)

Wish you could have been here to see him - 

and to see Lilly enjoying the spectacle.

But most of all, I wish you could see how this granddaddy loves his little ones - 

the ones that fly, 

and the one whose smile makes our entire week.

Also sharing this week with Laura at The Wellspring and her lovely meme:  "Playdates with God."

5 Minute Friday: If I knew I could, I would...

Ah yes, it's Friday once again.  Joining with Lisa Jo at "The Gypsy Mama" on a very intriguing topic this morning.  And I wonder what I'll say!  5 minutes of unedited, unstoppable writing.


If I knew I could, I would...

I would live my life on tiptoe, 

ever expecting something wondrous to behold!

GO


...dance like crazy, letting my body go where it wills - just because I can;
...write like crazy, words that would bring encouragement to others and tell interesting stories because I've had quite a ride so far;
...travel without worry or complication to as many of this planet's beautiful places as I possibly could while still...
...spending as much time as I could at or near my home, which I love;
...save  the people I love from pain and heartache - I've seen so much of it and they've lived so much of it... but then again...
...even more than that, I want for them to be whole and holy (in the truest, best sense of that word) people and sometimes (but not always) heartache is a vehicle for producing precisely that;
... know in my heart of hearts that God isn't done with me yet, that there is more to do and even better, more to be for however many years stretch ahead of me;
... love my mom with Jesus' kind of love, showing patience and kindness and soothing her fears as the ravages of age and confusion move in with a vengeance.


STOP
Photo and caption added a bit later...

Journaling Joy

Joining Bonnie over at Faith Barista tonight with one of the most fun assignments thus far in this venture into blog-world.  Using photos and words, we are to comment on where we're experiencing joy these days.  Go over there and check out some of these collections of pictures and words - AMAZING.  

What brings me joy these days?

The list is long, despite the heaviness of worry about my mom, despite the myriad details still to be sorted through as I finally clear out my large, corner office at church and re-settle into my tiny one here at home, despite the unsettled feeling of these early retirement days with no set schedule...that joy-list is long and I am grateful.

The Monastery of the Risen Christ, San Luis Obispo CA

Traveling 115 miles north once a month to meet with Abbot David, my spiritual director, never ceases to bring fresh reminders 

of the joy of the Lord.

The Mission Renewal Center, Santa Barbara CA

Finding out that this summer I will be attending the School for Spiritual Direction that meets at this retreat center 

brings me joy, just the thought of it!  

I will be able to complete my certification process begun in Chicago in '09, interrupted by some serious health issues last year - and I'll be able to do it right here in my own hometown.

Remembering our delicious Easter dinner brings me joy, too.

But then good food tends to do that with regularity!

Flowers of all kinds and colors remind me of the creative genius of our good God.  I love to have cut flowers indoors, to have lots of flowers in the garden 

and to drive to local fields to see them growing wildly, 

in all their painterly glory.

Joy!

Fields of poppy and lupine, Figueroa Mountain outside of Los Olivos, CA

Carpets of color at Corrizo Plain National Monument, about a three hour drive from home.

Other than the gift of life itself, 

my family brings me the deepest joy of all.

A retirement trip to Maui in February of this year.

45 years and grateful for every single one.

Last summer, at a cabin we rented near Yosemite.

Three amazing kids, all grown up with kids of their own.

 Our kiddos range in age from 14 months to 20 years. And we had six boys in a row!

And 8 grandkids - each one unique, 

each one adding another layer of joy.  

The youngest ones don't mind having their pictures taken and each of these three seemed to arrive in our family circle at just the right time.  (Well, they all did, didn't they?  These three stand out somehow...)  The two five-year-olds were born the year our much-loved son-in-law became critically and chronically ill, bringing life and hope to us all as he was dying.

And our newest (and likely last) little one came into our lives soon after the biggest one was out on his own.

 And the newest joy in our family is our eldest daughter's brand-new engagement.  We'll have a summer wedding after a long siege of sadness and loss.  

Joy!

 

And this was the view out my bedroom door as I began compiling this list tonight.  The gift of a home, a comfortable, welcoming home is something we never take for granted.

And it is a source of joy on so many levels:

family gatherings,

spiritual retreats for women,

meeting with directees,

hosting friends and strangers,

finding space and permission to be silent and alone,

sharing space with a lifelong partner.

I'll leave this reflection with shots of some of God's winged creatures who regularly speak to me of grace, beauty and yes...joy!

"Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not of more value than they?"  Matthew 6:26

a visiting oriole in our side yard - shot through the window and the screen!

a mocking bird watches over the wildflowers

a brilliant red cardinal sings his lovely song on Maui

a greater egret wades in at sunset

 

a great blue heron, hunched position

wading in, standing tall

 and taking off with those great wings and long legs

 a curlew, reflected in the water with his head up

 and with his head down, making a perfect circle of himself

the big birds settling in for the night in the very tops of the eucalyptus trees which stand all along the Goleta Slough, just north of us

the sunset majesty of the ocean as it folds into the slough